Wow, I am unsure if my inspiration is the familiarity of your sense of understanding what you are reading about me or something else along an Occam’s Razor…the basics are here, and you can imagine that there are many painful moments omitted and some awesome moments not mentioned. Taking away the prepositional phrases, and we are left with a simple, “I wanted to write you a letter”. Yes, the world is still rotating, and countries will continue to struggle with challenges that should be solvable in this day and age. Ideas will ebb and flow from different parts of the world and inspirations will be omnipresent within the collective humanity. There are many questions and it feels as though 40% of Americans are not on the same page in a short book called ‘Reality’…my eternally optimistic outlook for America is a steady economic recovery that will include a better reputation as a fair country as the Internet provides a means to solidify greater empathy in our communities and leaders worldwide.
Let me update you a little on the last few years. I worked in the Sprouts grocery chain as a receiver and stocker for a year and a half; I took online assessments in their computer room, around fifty…ultimately, I left after being threatened with physical violence by the same person repeatedly without consequence, and there was no Path out of the day-to-day I was doing. I just joined the USPS as an assistance letter carrier in December, and worked about 170 hours in a month between training and working in a warehouse sorting packages into the zip codes within Arizona…I am meeting with Mesa Postmaster on Monday to discuss the horrendous onboarding that left me in an emotional wreck (this letter is written on Friday, a day I took off after breaking down last night). Oh, I am celebrating one year sober and nicotine-free in a couple weeks; well, either I was going to blame myself or I needed something/somebody (personified) to blame…alcohol and cigarettes won that contest. Anyway, it is comforting to not second-guess myself about the reality I am experiencing as opposed to chalking it up to more ‘that’s fucked up and I’ll drink these feelings away’.
Over the years, I have volunteered a bunch, scraped by, moved many times, broke up, made up, et cetera…and a therapist thought that my most basic issue is that I do not value myself very much. I had an extreme finale with a dad who died of a brain tumor, and daddy issues were eventually resolved after I learned that I did not need his admiration for tackling immense projects like rebuilding the foundation of a barn erected in the 1850s. I am taking a Master Gardner certification this Spring online with the University of Arizona Extension in Tempe. I visited France for 3 weeks last year and rode a bike 40ish miles daily between old medieval towns around Avignon for two weeks with my second dad, Mike Shelton. My French came in handy sometimes dans les petites villes de hier.
*Exhale*, my favorite non-starter project is called Fitness Corridors. FC was conceived as I biked along canals in the east valley throughout the last year as Covid19 raged in America, including the summer. I gained the Covid 19 as I ate my comforting food frequently. Fitness Corridors is meant to unite neighborhoods with safe pathways accommodating more foot and self-propelled traffic than currently designed…pathways are oftentimes unpaved, paved the width of a sidewalk, have no means to safely cross major arteries, et cetera… and some are fantastic and get a lot of use! Anyway, the idea would be to create a ‘vehicle’ to help the wealthy weather taxes effectively by investing into an operational non-profit that would earn revenues in greater Phoenix by being paid by local governments to caretake the parks and public spaces and absorb the existing employees and operations. The parks get named, the cities keep control of costs, communities benefit from investments by the wealthy, and the company hums out the longest, inter-connected dirt-trails system in the country for E-bike enthusiasts and tourists (currently this is all possible without the grandiosity of the dream entity, if the local utility SRP or the federal utility CAP would fund the development for a modest budget or go Impressive for double that budget). Anyway, you get the idea.
My next steps with the USPS are to talk with the Mesa Postmaster about my experience and tell him that the position is not for me as it is. My BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) is that I could either work out a much better onboarding and operational tactic in one station so we can compare the results to others, or I can work somewhere else within the organization in an area that is more suited for me. Fuck it, I have enough pizzazz and gas to set just about anything on fire…even the boring USPS.
Otherwise, the next steps will include more volunteering with a non-profit I am helping get ready for a PR campaign…the entity assists formerly incarcerated men find their way in the world by avoiding their addictions and having secure rooms/housing as ex-felons. I am a caretaker for the urban farm that I live at, which pays half my rent. There is an opportunity to become a Peer Counselor with a couple of outfits that would put me to work helping others stay sober and motivated without a PhD in psychology. I want to use my Master Gardener program as an inspiration to commence a prototype project using a unique irrigation system that combines composting scraps from the kitchen, gray water from the sink, and more into a Keyhole Garden 2.0 setup. I started a website on Purslane, an edible weed that I grew in abundance during the hot AZ summer…it is found worldwide and somehow, I claimed the first fan page in the world dedicated to just this weed. For many, it has been years since we have seen each other…maybe decades even, and I will promise you that I will never tire of not being who I used to be and also being true to the same man as I have always been. I wish my last lover understood me, but alas, the confluence of factors for a successful partnership continues to be elusive.
I have adventures every week in terms of there is a story to be told even if it is an embellished episode of CRP’s Anarchy…and at least one monthly lesson/notable memory happens. I would enjoy trying to keep in touch with you, because you helped define me by influencing my thinking with cerebral interactivity and specific memories…I am pretty sure you remember the recollections will involve animals, snow, water, cheese, hot cuisine, walks, invigorating intellectualism, and beer to name just a few of our milieus. The beer keg has gone dry, and the constancy of a suffocating nicotine addiction has gone extinct. I am generally quite happy about how time passes, albeit, sometimes too fast and sometimes with only one focus per day. This year, I spent some of my free time growing hot peppers for drying and to keep my food at a 7 to 9 on the daily. Serranoes, jalapenos, Thai, habaneros, red/green chilies, Carolina Reapers, and another self-propagated by a local bird eating a hot pepper somewhere else!
I wanted to keep writing an annual or ambitiously a semi-annual letter for Solstices, but some of these pass and no letter comes…this year was extraordinary and the planetary alignment did not tear Earth apart. Hey, I hope you stayed safe as possible during the Covid19 Era, I hope you continue to be safe and vigilant until the vaccine is available for you and your loved ones. Fuck, this was a wicked year in a lot of ways, 2020 hindsight? Where the hell did we hear this first? Was it in a random catchy broadcast from the year 2075? Anyway, we missed this one as a predictably challenging year with many lessons learned worldwide.
This Tardy Solstice Letter that is long overdue, but I was grunting out twelvers like an inspired 20-something that believed if you work harder, then the organization will notice…anyway, my baggage is that once the organization clearly demonstrates otherwise, I am liable to make a BATNA and stick to the alternative with an open door or be prepared to walk away when my basic humanity cannot be met. *smile*, the Path unfolds and options become obsolete and others are engrained into our lives…I am glad that we had a chance to get engrained, because I am who I am partly due to your influence…thank you for sharing that time with me! I am grateful for my health, happiness, empathy, and capacity. *Hug* I miss you! I am sure the twain shall meet again!
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