Yeah...I question whether sobriety and being nicotine-free are worthwhile in life. I was seemingly happier as a drinker and smoker. Whenever I was feeling lonely, low, wanting to celebrate, needing consoling...any reason whatsoever I did not want to be alone, I could go to the bar and be among friends. I laughed more and was at ease...at least that is what I remember sometimes.
Well, I quit, because sometimes I ate big bags of chips I was so drunk, I passed out on the ground, I got hurt by tripping on sidewalks, I forgave a narcissist for cheating on me multiple times, I spent thousands of dollars every quarter on vices, I forgot to brush my teeth regularly, my dirty clothing would get dirtier rather than washed....the list is much, much longer.
The losses for me are the warmth I had with others that knew me...turns out, they don't miss me...so why do I miss them? I could use some sober friends...but right now, my best friend is sobriety and I really do not want to lose my best friend again.
I'm of for a 50k hike tomorrow to prove something for my 46th birthday...in Arizona. I couldn't do this as drinker or cigarette smoker...I'm free of both for 100+ days now and it's my birthday Sunday. I'm celebrating my freedom from addictions
Sobriety is fickle in that you cannot mistreat sobriety and expect sobriety to stay...however, with sobriety, I have honor, confidence, and reason.
Comentarios